Meet our George of the Month: George Foreman
When Muhammad Ali died last month, everyone described him as The Greatest. But how many diet-friendly kitchen appliances did Ali invent? Exactly. Today we honour the other star of The Rumble in the Jungle, George Foreman – who may have got pummeled into the canvas that hot night in Zaire, but spent his ten-count wisely, dreaming up new ways to extract saturated fat from beef patties.
Yes, while Ali ignored his doctors and kept fighting, George knew when it was time to hang up the boxing gloves and pick up the oven gloves. He also became a keen family man, fathering 12 children (many of them to his wife). Not content with naming his grilling machine after himself, he named each of his sons ‘George’ too, an audacious move only outdone by his decision to name his daughter Georgetta. Now that is commitment. George Foreman (the elder), we salute you.
Meet our George of the Month: Curious George
Curiosity doesn’t always pay off for a monkey. Sure, Curious George ended up leading a pimped out life in the city, but that was the good old days – in 2016 a monkey showing interest in the white man is more likely to end up tied to a stretcher bed having his eyes squirted with chemicals by the scientists at Big Cosmetics.
And while the brewers here at Good George appreciate a primate-tested anti-aging serum as much as the next guy, they have another secret to feeling young after a hard day’s bottling – dusting off the Curious George storybooks of their youth and reading them anew. Sometimes they’ll even VHS and Chill with copies of the 1980s TV series or, for a special treat, spend Sunday avo binge-watching the 2006 animated film and its two dreadful sequels.
So when we first asked you on Facebook to nominate someone for George of the Month, we were stoked so many of you chose this brown furry fella with the cheeky smile and his constant companion, Man With The Yellow Hat. And while, sure, in these post-Jacko years of the early 21st century you might look sideways at a grown man who poured so much love and affection into a young monkey, as with so many aspects of the 1980s, back then it just felt right.
Meet our George of the Month: George Nepia
The original skux, George Nepia was a master at tackling, passing and kicking, back in the days where the lightest of drizzle would make that leather ball punt like a sack of sand. Playing full back for the 1924 Invincibles, George was a safe pair of hands in the deep, which is a good thing when you consider how deep he’s tucking that jersey in. Then in 1935 he made history by switching to rugby league, paving the way for future generations of charismatic cross-code superstars, and Matthew Ridge.
Later he returned to rugby and at the age of 45 played against a team captained by his son, also named George Nepia – history doesn’t record who won, only that the older George kept yelling “pass the ball to George Nepia!” making him the first New Zealander ever to tell a dad joke.
George the elder ended his days not in a flashy marketing role or doing after dinner speeches for boozed up radio sales reps, but with a proper ex All Black job: farming on the East Cape. He died in 1986 and, we hope, was laid to rest as he would have wanted: with his top tucked well into his pants.
When we asked you on facebook to suggest somebody for our first ever George of the Week the response was unanimous*: George W Bush. And while it might seem strange for us to celebrate someone widely regarded as the dimmest person ever to sleep in the White House, history will show we all judged him too harshly.
Yes he was stupid, yes he was a blunderer, yes he was reading a picture book to some schoolkids when 9/11 happened and elected to finish the book rather than help save the world. But though at the time we all thought he was the worst choice for president on the planet, we clearly weren’t paying enough attention to Celebrity Apprentice.
Thanks to Donald Trump, George W Bush is starting to look pretty good. Sure he may have occasionally made up words and fallen off segways, but at least he never accused a female journalist of having PMT, or tried to ban people from America because of which God they believed in.
(By the way, plenty of you voted to make Curious George our first George of the Week, but we thought why not celebrate a monkey so curious he made it all the way to the Oval Office? When the next presidential election happens on November 6 we’d happily put that monkey back in the top job if it meant keeping out the short-fingered orangutan).
So raise a glass to our George of the Week: George W Bush. He may not have been a great president, or even a very good one, but time has shown us that worse was still to come.
*unanimous adjective. 1. When one person suggests something you were going to do anyway